The Experience Will Stay With You;

This is the blog of a recovering anonymous alcoholic. There's also some Marxism creeping in now and then. Feel free to post comments, but if you know me, keep them anonymous. Thanks.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Change of focus

I've been thinking about two recent posts (Words of advice and A semi-fictionalised account of the last few weeks). These are not much more than soulless litanies of my misadventures; I think they are pretty tedious. Moreover:
  1. They are pretty one-sided and could worry my friends. I'm not sure if I'm writing this blog for:
    1. catharsism,
    2. egotism, or
    3. communication (to elaborate: therapists are people who you pay to talk to, friends come for free [that's not necessarily my opinion], but it is not always easy to talk to friends, no matter how wonderful they are)
    • (the blog started out purely as catharsism, but since it is the public domain there is the danger of egotism and since I told my friends about there are elements of communication; I want to get back to catharsism, or, something to keep me out of the pub and make interesting reading for surfers)
  2. The posts could be interpreted as me revelling in my alcoholism (I don't mean self-pity here). In a sense, that's true. One of the more astute therapeutic exercises is to write down all the good things about alcohol and all the bad things about alcohol for oneself. I get a huge amount of enjoyment out of drinking, and all the nonsense that prevails. I just don't like the addiction that comes with it. Of course, there is additionally the self-definition that comes from belonging to a group castigated by bourgeois society, but this is an unhelpful illusion to say the least.
  3. There are too many particular details in my historical posts (as opposed to the introspective ones). I aim to remain anonymous (not to my friends, obviously).
Sorry, that's all pretty incoherent. At least I'm moving away from facts toward thoughts. Maybe I should start another blog with all the good stuff in! That raises the danger of cross-correlative identification. Maybe I should just dump this whole project (the blog, I mean, not trying to get clean).
Maybe I should take the mike,
stand up tall like Michael Stipe,
and try to solve all the problems of the earth
-- Wonderstuff Maybe
Anway, I'm doing all right. It's better to be confused than insane. Better to be afraid than insensate. I bought some packing tape yesterday and the shop assistant asked if I was moving in or moving out, I responded "both, surely" [with thanks to JC].